Be a Harris not a Trump: 3 ways to cultivate a kinder leadership style

In the hyperconnected world of today, it’s hard to watch world leaders in action and not draw lessons from their leadership styles, especially when those styles are becoming so extreme.

On the one hand, we have the likes of Vladimir Putin and Donald Trump, authoritarian strongmen, which a recent academic study published in Taylor & Francis Online’s Political Research Exchange found were less trustworthy and less emotionally stable than non-authoritarian types. On the other hand, there are leaders like Jacinda Ardern, the former Prime Minister of New Zealand, who has become something of a poster child for empathy and kindness and now, Kamala Harris, presidential nominee for the Democratic party in the US whose leadership style has been hailed by Forbes magazine as embodying “empathy, authenticity, and a commitment to equity”.

Most of us will have experienced both kinds of leaders in our time, either directly or indirectly, and we may have our own opinions about what works best. But it’s the latter style that is gaining more credence in the world today.

Empathy matters more now than ever before, in politics and in business. It may once have been dismissed as a ‘soft’ skill but, says Forbes Coaches Council member Paul Glover, “most managers will acknowledge that empathy, the ability to temporarily see a situation from another person’s perspective, is a powerful leadership tool to resolve conflict, foster trust and cooperation between team members and create improved business outcomes.

Here are three ways to cultivate this approach.

1. Know thyself

We live in a world in which a host of distractions are eating away at our attention and our connections with each other. As Sally Susman, Executive Vice President and Chief Corporate Affairs Officer at Pfizer and Vice Chair of The Pfizer Foundation, asks: “When was the last time you had a conversation without one of the people involved checking their phone or multitasking? We run from one thing to the next without reflecting on the human implications of what we just did, eroding our workplaces, societies and economies in the process.”

Leading in a human-centric way is all about truly connecting with people by making them feel seen and heard and, in the process, creating the conditions in which teams can thrive and prove effective as collective units. It requires authenticity, empathy, adaptivity, and self-awareness, and you can’t have any of those without first slowing down and paying deliberate attention to yourself and others.

Harris achieves this by sharing personal experiences – often. Her openness about her heritage and the challenges faced by her immigrant parents, for example, adds a personal touch that fosters trust and relatability.

2. Have some R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

At its core, empathy is about respect for others, and leaders need discipline to cultivate this key attribute.

Sherry Turkle, Professor of Social Studies of Science and Technology at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) Sloan School of Management and author of The Empathy Diaries, has identified four empathy rules.

First, the ability to embrace not knowing is required to foster emotional and social well-being. We are trained to relate to others by expressing what we think we share with them, says Turkle, when what we ought to be doing is keeping quiet and listening. “It’s not what you know but what you are willing to learn that provides space for empathy.”

Second, we need to embrace radical differences. It’s not about reassuring others that “I’m like you,” which is where many people are tempted to go in order to put another (and maybe themselves) at ease. But instead, it’s important to be able to accept a degree of friction and difference. It’s about full engagement, even when things are uncomfortable.

Turkle’s third rule, embracing commitment, involves doing what is necessary to understand both the place the person is coming from and the problem they are experiencing. It is, she says, all about respect. “You have a stake in helping your neighbour. You can’t get bored or turn away.”

The fourth rule, embracing community, refers to the sense of belonging created when you feel that you have been heard and the rules you have been asked to follow take your situation into account.

3. Ask, don’t tell

In his book Humble Inquiry: The Gentle Art of Asking Instead of Telling, the late Edgar Schein, a former Professor Emeritus at MIT, together with his son Peter Schein, a strategy consultant, pull the curtains back on how humility can build trust, foster collaboration and improve communication.

The act of telling puts a person down. It implies that the person does not already know what you are telling them. In contrast, asking temporarily transfers power to the person being asked and makes the asker vulnerable in the context of that transaction. It implies that the person being asked already knows something that the asker needs to know, too.

Only by putting ego aside and replacing professional distance with personal connection, curiosity and humility can leaders build the trust needed to work together effectively and get things done.

Linda Buckley is Head of Learning Experience and Executive Education Director at Henley Business School Africa and has a Master’s degree from the University of Reading in the UK.

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